How To Survive In Trump Town, USA

  Living in Wisconain certainly has its perks. It is consistently ranked as among the states with the best natural beauty. Its beaches on Lakes Michigan and Superior can rival any ocean, and the forests of the Chequamagon-Nicolet can match any in New England or Cascadia. We are the largest cranberry maker in the nation, and we are also home to the best cheese and the best beer. Milwaukee is the City of Festivals, with The Rave regularly drawing big acts and Summerfest being the largest music festival in the world.

However, in the Green Bay area, a liberal can have a hard time agreeing with someone on the most basic of principles (Milwaukee is a glimmer of hope), and below are a few humorous examples that also serve as a guide to laughing off the Trump troglodytes:

1. Trump hats, shirts, masks, and signs on every corner and in every store. Don't worry too much about this. A nice waste of money for people who claim to be too broke to pay the taxes that support the warmongering and police brutality they claim to love.

2. People not wearing masks. Darwin had a certain rule about this, but I can't remember what it is... It's quite easy to laugh at the people who think 3,000 people dying 20 years ago (while undoubtedly sad) warrants the government tapping phones, frisking flyers, tracking internet activity, starting 2 wars, and nearly doubling spending, while 800,000 deaths and counting does not warrant putting on a piece of cloth for 15 minutes.

3. Fuck Joe Biden. A message I saw written on the back of a truck, along with the Instagram tag "Bubba911." I can tell by his name, his beaten tank top, his clearly-compensating-for-something tires, and his well-thought-out argument that this man knows his stuff.

4. I kneel for the cross and stand for the flag. Another nifty t-shirt. Honestly, the best way to disgrace veterans is to hypocritically oppose the rights they fought for. I suppose you'd also have no clue that black people matter.

5. When guns are outlawed, I'll be an outlaw. Very impressive: another t-shirt. Nobody is trying to ban guns, but some guy named Trevor whose favorite holiday is Trump's birthday doesn't need an AK-47. Pistols are perfect for self-defense, and chances are, if you talk to any Democratic politician, they'll own one. However, assault rifles are designed for the explicit purpose of taking human life en masse, and the safety of children matters more than the fact that shooting a gun gives off the same chemical that watching porn does. I also find it funny that the same people who want the police and military built up claim to need guns in case they mount a militia offensive.

Or, better yet, just move to Milwaukee or Madison.