A Sea Of Degenerates: The Capitol Rioters Busted So Far

 

1. Richard Barnett, an Arkansas man, was arrested after he posted a picture of himself with his feet on Nacy Pelosi's desk and stole her mail.

2. Derrick Evans, a lawmaker from West Virginia, was arrested on federal charges after he posted video of himself breaking into the Capitol building. He has since resigned.

3. Adam Christian Johnson, of Florida, was arrested after he took pictures of himself stealing Nancy Pelosi's lectern.

4. Cleveland Meredith, of Georgia, sent text messages threatening the life of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

5. Lonnie Coffman, of Alabama, was arrested with 11 Molotov cocktails and two illegal firearms outside of the Capitol building.

6. Christopher Alberts, of Maryland, was busted with a firearm on Capitol grounds.

7. Matthew Council, of Florida, assaulted a police officer after breaking into the Capitol.

8. Jacob Chansley, of Arizona, was the man who was dubbed the "QAnon Shaman" after standing in the dais of the Senate.

9. Joshua Pruitt was one of the few Washington, D.C. men arrested in the riot.

10. Ashli Babbitt, of Maryland, was a disgraced former Air Force veteran and was recently divorced. She promoted right-wing conspiracy theories on social media and described the scene on a live feed as a sea of red, white, and blue... and red, and red, and red, and dead. While she was shot, she was in a group of numerous people carrying weapons who rushed law enforcement officers on the premises.

11. Kevin Greeson, of Alabama, died after a stun gun in his pocket went off, striking him in the testicles and causing him to have a heart attack.

12. Rosanne Boyland, of Georgia, was (much like fellow Trump supporter Roseanne Barr) a recovering drug addict who belived in wild conspiracies. Unlike Greeson, whose family pointed out that he liked dogs and motorcycles, and Babbitt, whose dad was less supportive than her mom, Boyland's family was less-than-defensive of her. It is unclear if she tripped or was trampled.

13. Benjamin Philips, of Pennsylvania, organized a busload of people in what he called "the first day of the rest of our lives," also called "the ultimate midlife crisis." After he had a stroke, the rest of the people went home on an awkward silent ride. It was the first day of his eternal life, I guess.

Dozens more people, including a man who planted pipe bombs and another who constructed a noose, are being identified and arrested. Others, meanwhile, are losing their jobs:

14. Libby Andrews, of Illinois, lost her job as a real estate broker. She sincerely believed the 60 assaulted police officers were fake news.

15. An anonymous man from Maryland was busted after he wore his Navistar work badge to the seige.

16. An anonymous teacher, of Pennsylvania, has been temporarily suspended pending an investigation.

17. Paul Davis, an attorney from Texas, was fired after he posted Instagram stories of himself breaking into the Capitol.

18. Rick Saccone, of Pennsylvania, was a former state representative who resigned from his job as a professor to spare the school embarrassment.

19/20. Two anonymous police officers, of Washington state, were placed on administrative leave pending an investigation, and will be fired if they were found to be in the Capitol and could also face charges.

21. Walter West, of Texas, the sergeant-at-arms for the state GOP, was fired after he expressed his support for the riots on social media.

22. Larry Brock, of Texas, was a former Air Force veteran with zip ties at the Capitol. He was fired from his job with an airline, and he may face criminal charges. His family has almost entirely disowned him. Reports also say that he was identified using facial recognition.

23. Brad Rukstales, of Illinois, was fired from his job as the CEO of a technology firm and has also been arrested on federal charges.

24. Josiah Colt, of Idaho, was an LDS member outed by his high school girlfriend and the Mormon church, infamous for hanging from the Senate (he thought he was in the House). He is speaking to a lawyer.

     Donald Trump has been permanently banned from social media and Parler has been suspended from the Apple store. Nice job, guys!