Proud Boy Faces 534 Months In Prison For Actions During Portland Protests

 

     Another Texas terrorist for my series. Not the Biden bus attackers, not the Austin Democratic Party arsonist, not a Capitol rioter, not even a man whose actions have much to do with Texas aside from the cosmetic correlation he calls a home. 

     Alan Swinney, a 51-year-old man, has made the primary Republican goal of helping people who already have the means to help themselves his entire identity: in this case, it's the police. Between August 15th and 22nd, 2020, the Proud Boys member drove thousands of miles from his home in Midland, Texas, to Portland, Oregon, with weapons and military gear including paintball guns, mace, a gas mask, riot shields, and a helmet. On August 15th, he shot Jason Britton in the face with a paintball gun, shot another man nearby in the stomach with said paintball gun, and then sprayed randomly at the two men and several others around them. Swinney also threatened to use a real weapon on Britton. Alan Swinney claimed that he had not meant to shoot Britton, but another individual next to him. I have a little tip for any obese conservatives who want to join a white supremacist militia: if you can't hit someone with a paintball gun from five feet away, you're probably not the best person to overthrow a hypothetical tyrannical new world order. 

     The second person he shot, a random woman named Megan Steward who just happened to be walking through the area, was hit in the chest with a paintball gun on August 22nd after Swinney waved a handgun at a group of protestors. What a great protector of law and order! He shot a total of two people, and neither of them posed a threat. Still, he claimed self-defense, calling himself a man "on the forefront of America's war with domestic terrorists," in a fundraiser that sought to raise $10,000. He raised $1,495. He also called the Pacific Northwest "ground zero for evil in this country" and said the quiet part out loud: he needed to make it safe for Americans to "express conservative ideals." A few words of wisdom for Mr. Swinney: don't call the home of the prosecutor, judge, and jury "ground zero for evil," you 1860s, states-rights thinking idiot. Also, I hate to break it to you, but Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and Three Percenters are classified as terrorist groups and hate groups; Black Lives Matter is not. Right-wing terrorists make up most terrorism in the United States-- more than Islamic terror and far more than left-wing terror. 

     The criminal justice system in Oregon didn't take too kindly to his vigilantism; this isn't Texas, sweetheart! Held in jail since his arrest 13 months ago, he was initially charged with 12 counts with a combined maximum of 654 months (54.5 years) in state prison. Swinney was ultimately convicted this month of 11 of those charges: the most serious, one count of second-degree assault (a class B felony punishable by 10 years in prison) resulted in acquittal. However, the other 11 charges, which included another count of second-degree assault, unlawful use of a weapon, attempted assault, pointing a firearm at another, unlawful use of mace, attempted second-degree assault, fourth-degree assault, attempted fourth-degree assault, and menacing, were enough to bury the bastard.

     His sentencing date for this healthy mix of misdemeanors and felonies has not yet been set. However, he faces up to 534 months (44.5 years) in prison when the date arrives. He will likely get nowhere near the maximum; however, I would bet on a double-digit-year prison sentence for Swinney. His life is over, and it couldn't have happened to a more deserving asshole.

     We will update you when his sentencing date and sentence are announced.

UPDATE: Alan Swinney has been sentenced to 10 years in prison followed by three years of probation for his actions during the protests in Portland. Looks like the tens of thousands of dollars people sent to defend him in court turned out to be money poorly spent.