Cruz, Hawley, And Johnson Grovel For The 2024 Nomination

 

     Who could it be, GOP? Your 2024 nominee is looking PROMISING! Speaking of promises, I know Joe Biden did a good job of keeping them, and that pisses you off, but that doesn't mean we can't set that aside and look at some of your winners. 

     Could it be Monotone Mike Pence from Indiana, the stereotypical "GOD HATES F*GS" Republican?

     Could it be Lady Lindsey Graham, the senator who has gone absolutely nowhere in 40 years?

     Could it be Mario Kart Mitch McConnell, the dead ringer for a turtle who nicknamed himself "The Grim Reaper" but probably keeps himself alive with poison apples?

     Could it be Macho Madison Cawthorn, the serial rapist who plays victim?

     Could it be Noisy Nikki Haley, who twists herself into a pretzel to please Master Trump while somehow saying nothing of value?

     Could it be Don, Jr., the elephant poacher with a shit-for-brains brother, an odd attraction to his sister, a legally-dead wife?

     I really like people who grovel, though. Ted Cruz let Donald Trump walk all over his wife, ate a booger, liked a porn tweet, blamed his daughters for abandoning his home state, and somehow manages to be a Cuban refugee who hates refugees, yet he thinks he has any bearing on the educated people who formed President Biden's cabinet. Could it be Josh Hawley, the Meth Mouth Missourian who took a photo op with Capitol rioters before being disowned by his mentors and associates? Or could it be Ron Johnson, the man who finds "Billy Madison" inspirational and the man who called an insurrection that left seven dead and hundreds injured no biggy and no threat to safety while blaming Pelosi, getting every fact of the event wrong, continuing to push the "Big Lie," and pointing out that black people scare him?

     That's not even including Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Good luck attracting those fencers, for you're a grand old party and you're high as fuck!!!